I have been helping my son, who is in 4th grade, with his math -- specifically, multiplication.  He feels like he is a little bit behind, so we are working on it so he can get more comfortable.  It is going well now -- we have gotten into a routine of spending 15 minutes per night doing a worksheet or a game, and talking through the math.

But when we first started, just a few weeks ago, it was much harder.  He really really resisted getting started, or engaging with it at all.  When it was time to start, he would shut down, turn away, and basically do anything so that we would not focus on the work.

I got a bit frustrated, because it felt like he was being his own worst enemy -- basically making it impossible for himself to learn.  This is true, I think, but the more profound truth is that he was afraid.  Getting started was scary. Not knowing things was scary.  Knowing that he might be faced with not knowing things was scary.  Of course that's what's going on.

It reminds me a bit of when I was his age.  For me at the time, the thing that did that to me was writing.  When it came to sit down and write anything for school, I just completely stopped up.  My brain went blank.  It was inconceivable to me that any ideas, let alone words, sentences, paragraphs and pages, might come to be.  I remember sitting with my mother at her computer, with her doing her best to coax any kind of progress out of me. I was my own worst enemy -- stuck, and afraid.

I feel it to this day. Sometimes I don't want to open my inbox, or read that document I know I need to read, or open that envelope on my desk.  Of course, once I break through and do it, it's fine. But there is sometimes a barrier of fear that gets in the way of even starting anything.

What I have found through my work with mindfulness is that step 1 is just recognizing it.  Noticing that sensation and saying, "oh, hey, there you are again".  That is the first step to being able to work through it, rather than being owned by it. 

It has been a long time since I have felt the level of paralyzing fear that I saw in him, but now that I think about it, I know it and recognize it.

What's profound about this to me is that sometimes the thing you think is the problem is not actually the problem.  Once you are able to identify the real problem, it's much easier to find a way through.  Fear, I think, is often the problem behind the problem, and sussing that out and working on it directly can unlock a lot of situations.

Over the past few weeks, I have varied up my computing habits a bit.  For a laptop, I have been using a Pixelbook, and I have also been spending more timing using an iPad Pro for work (vs my default of using a Mac laptop for everything).

What I have discovered is that the form factor of the device I'm using matters a lot in terms of what kinds of work it supports best.  Both devices have exactly the same apps, but the experience on each couldn't be more different.

For example, the iPad (the 10.5" Pro model in particular) is great for long-form reading: I use Pocket to gather articles (from wherever I am - phone, tablet or computer) and when I want to sit down and read, I do it on the iPad.  And beyond reading, email on the iPad is possible, but forces you to write shorter responses.  So it's both good for deep reading and also good for quick email processing.  That combination has been working great for me.  

I have been trying to avoid reading -- especially at home, when I am around my family -- on my phone.  There is something about the posture you take when you read on a phone that is both uncomfortable and anti-social.  Hunched over, hands up, squinting down.   By contrast, reading on the iPad feels more like reading a book or a newspaper - open, relaxed.  Not only is the reading area a better size, but it feels more like a "public" device, in the sense that by reading it you aren't lost in the private world of your phone.

The Pixelbook (google's new chromebook) is great in a different way.  What is nice about the Pixelbook is how simple login and setup are (especially if you are a heavy google apps / google chrome user).   You just sign in, load up some web apps (and many enterprise desktop apps such as Slack and Zoom work just as well as Chrome apps) and you're good.  It feels very lightweight and efficient. Low overhead, lean and mean.  When I log into the Pixelbook I feel ready to go.   (There is also an added security benefit to using a Chromebook for work - sign-in can be protected by 2FA).

It just goes to show that the form factor / design / packaging of a system (device, app, etc) really matter so much in terms of how it can / should / will be used.  Maybe this is obvious, but it has really struck me lately.

I have been helping my son, who is in 4th grade, with his math -- specifically, multiplication.  He feels like he is a little bit behind, so we are working on it so he can get more comfortable.  It is going well now -- we have gotten into a routine of spending 15 minutes per night doing a worksheet or a game, and talking through the math.

But when we first started, just a few weeks ago, it was much harder.  He really really resisted getting started, or engaging with it at all.  When it was time to start, he would shut down, turn away, and basically do anything so that we would not focus on the work.

I got a bit frustrated, because it felt like he was being his own worst enemy -- basically making it impossible for himself to learn.  This is true, I think, but the more profound truth is that he was afraid.  Getting started was scary. Not knowing things was scary.  Knowing that he might be faced with not knowing things was scary.  Of course that's what's going on.

It reminds me a bit of when I was his age.  For me at the time, the thing that did that to me was writing.  When it came to sit down and write anything for school, I just completely stopped up.  My brain went blank.  It was inconceivable to me that any ideas, let alone words, sentences, paragraphs and pages, might come to be.  I remember sitting with my mother at her computer, with her doing her best to coax any kind of progress out of me. I was my own worst enemy -- stuck, and afraid.

I feel it to this day. Sometimes I don't want to open my inbox, or read that document I know I need to read, or open that envelope on my desk.  Of course, once I break through and do it, it's fine. But there is sometimes a barrier of fear that gets in the way of even starting anything.

What I have found through my work with mindfulness is that step 1 is just recognizing it.  Noticing that sensation and saying, "oh, hey, there you are again".  That is the first step to being able to work through it, rather than being owned by it. 

It has been a long time since I have felt the level of paralyzing fear that I saw in him, but now that I think about it, I know it and recognize it.

What's profound about this to me is that sometimes the thing you think is the problem is not actually the problem.  Once you are able to identify the real problem, it's much easier to find a way through.  Fear, I think, is often the problem behind the problem, and sussing that out and working on it directly can unlock a lot of situations.

Over the past few weeks, I have varied up my computing habits a bit.  For a laptop, I have been using a Pixelbook, and I have also been spending more timing using an iPad Pro for work (vs my default of using a Mac laptop for everything).

What I have discovered is that the form factor of the device I'm using matters a lot in terms of what kinds of work it supports best.  Both devices have exactly the same apps, but the experience on each couldn't be more different.

For example, the iPad (the 10.5" Pro model in particular) is great for long-form reading: I use Pocket to gather articles (from wherever I am - phone, tablet or computer) and when I want to sit down and read, I do it on the iPad.  And beyond reading, email on the iPad is possible, but forces you to write shorter responses.  So it's both good for deep reading and also good for quick email processing.  That combination has been working great for me.  

I have been trying to avoid reading -- especially at home, when I am around my family -- on my phone.  There is something about the posture you take when you read on a phone that is both uncomfortable and anti-social.  Hunched over, hands up, squinting down.   By contrast, reading on the iPad feels more like reading a book or a newspaper - open, relaxed.  Not only is the reading area a better size, but it feels more like a "public" device, in the sense that by reading it you aren't lost in the private world of your phone.

The Pixelbook (google's new chromebook) is great in a different way.  What is nice about the Pixelbook is how simple login and setup are (especially if you are a heavy google apps / google chrome user).   You just sign in, load up some web apps (and many enterprise desktop apps such as Slack and Zoom work just as well as Chrome apps) and you're good.  It feels very lightweight and efficient. Low overhead, lean and mean.  When I log into the Pixelbook I feel ready to go.   (There is also an added security benefit to using a Chromebook for work - sign-in can be protected by 2FA).

It just goes to show that the form factor / design / packaging of a system (device, app, etc) really matter so much in terms of how it can / should / will be used.  Maybe this is obvious, but it has really struck me lately.